“February Heat”

I want to write about bulldozers and teepees.  I want to write about muddy fields, and blocked roads, and humvees, and police in full attack gear on the rise.  I want to write about this like it was a bad dream I had last night.  I want to make it surreal so when the reader brings it to life, they just cannot phantom that this could ever happen in the world they live in.

But, indeed it can.

In all my wildest dreams, and with all the conspiracy theories I have in my head, never did I ever dream I would witness yesterday.  I walked around in full grief mode all day, my blood was curdling I swear.  Louis Riel was rolling over in his grave.

South Dakota cried.  

I arose to a dull grey day in Ontario.  In February.  The temperatures been so erratic this year, I am not sure what continent I am on at times.  Creator is blessing us with tears today.

Sarnia is on fire, just moments away from boom.

The only birds I hear as I give thanks for the day and pray for nibi, are crows.

This ‘lil turtle is finding it hard to smile of late.

It seems that we are going at such a fast pace that we are simply spinning to stand still.

I love trees.  I find solace in the bush.  I am simply frightened silly of the madman in the white house down there.  I refuse to give the idiot the pleasure of having me type out his name because the bottom line is this…there is a whole movement behind him.  I think that is the thing to be aware of and have knowledge of and run for the hills from.

Ah, but I digress, see.  I wanted to write about teepees and bulldozers, but it seems to be all tied into the end.  I strive for happy on a daily basis and look for love and only see it in cats and dogs and the world’s gone mad I say.

There is no sense in this writing.  It’s just words thrown together that simply came at me in a time when grief seems to be heading my way.  The rain will wash the pain away.

I am bush bound.

Build a village with a language that only speaks from hearts that see that truth is only found in the wonder of the water, and the bush.

I don’t know much, but I do know this.  I want to go Home.  To heart.  To me. To free.

Wanna come?

M.M.L.M.Belcourt-Feb.24,2017.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 18, 2016.

“Merci/Thank You/Miigwetch to each and everyone one of you who have been on this journey with me…guiding me…reteaching me to live…loving me when I couldn’t…each and every one of you matter and have touched me in ways beyond my wildest dreams…and life is an adventure… I would not want to be on without all of you…its been a challenging six years…its been an awesome six years…its been filled with laughter and tears and hope and joy and sadness…I have lost friends…I have lost family…but I have gained me…and a truth that is so raw it humbles me…i look at each new day and i think of those who gave up before the miracle and I think how blessed am I…why was I chosen…and the why does no longer matter…i am here…this is my path and Creator wants me on it…so lead me…take me…do what you will with me…the reality is this folks…you are the miracle and you are happening right here and now…that is the miracle…its happened to you…so wake up and enjoy…you can live your days in misery and stay stuck in mud and keep on whining but your never gonna get out of the mud…Creator has given you ever darn tool you need to fix you…pick them up…have no fear of the what ifs…the what ifs do not matter…have faith…do you think that Creator put you here for misery…Creator only sees love..only wants good…only makes good…we trash all…stomp on all…and ruin lives because of our inability to love ourselves and then give that away…if i have learnt one thing in the past six years it is this…if you do not want to help yourself…if you don’t see you own worth…if that is not the focal point in your road to happy…then get off the bus…coz the buss only functions with the love of self that will help you throw off the old coat, put on a new one, and travel onto the happy road of destiny….there are lots of good souls out there willing to help you…reach out. Miigwetch.”

“Standing Rock”

“I just don’t understand how anyone can get opposed or upset at the people who are setting up camp…there are over 1000 souls there to protect our Mother Earth…that is everyone’s Mother Earth eh not just the First Nations…why are people so upset that we want to protect Nibi??? It is everyone’s water and it is all the same water…so why do people get so upset when we set up camp, walk around bays, take canoes to the waters???? I think its coz we are showing their lame asses up and we help them to feel like they should be doing this too but being blinded by society and all the rest they fail to make the stand out of fear of alienation from their “peoples”…I could be wrong…it could be something totally different but i know this…this is what i fight for…this is not about me…this is about the next seven and I want there to be forest and water and life left for when i go…and i also know my ancestors didn’t do all they did to put me here today so I can just sit back and wait for someone else to stand up and do the right thing.
So criticize me all you want, roll your eyes when i speak my truths, but i am not stopping, and I will continue to walk with my ancestors as they smile upon me, and i follow spirit, and do the right thing….Stand up and be all you can be.”
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“VisionQuest”

“I want to build something in my backyard. A huge Stanley Peltier tee-pee that will attract all.  Bring in elders.  Have fires.  Talk till dawn.  Bring in the youth.  Sit down, and chat.  Take them out, to the bush, with friends, on excursions to explorer souls.  

Embrace the language teachers.  Bring them in.  Have lessons.  Network with others who are building canoes, teaching songs, learning drums.

I want to come home to soul, and I want to share that with all.  I want smiles and laughter and I am just so tired of all this gloom and doom.

I can not do this alone, nor do I want to, nor am I suppose to.  This is my simple call out to all who may read this ( all be it I think far fewer do then I think and I think only 2 do).

If you feel a pull, or a tug, or you see something here and ya wanna jump on.  I have the yard.  I have wood to build stuff with.  I have no teepee yet.  I have Stan as friend/elder/teacher though!!!!! If I gave sema…ya just never know. I am nothing but full of hope. I also have fine spot for tree fort, but i have sister Stacey in charge of that.

I am just a dreamer, but I see where we are headed and it’s just not good.  I see the lost looks in eyes, we need more then technology.  This stuff is leaving us hollow and sidelined by life.

Heal the Earth. Clean the Water.  Learn your Mother Tongue.  Be whole.  Come on folks. I sound like a tired old John Lennon song, and I just don’t care.

Nothing’s going right, so let’s go left.  Right off grid…and let’s prepare and plan and let’s start with a base…a place to meet and charge up…let’s build it in my backyard!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ahnee”

Here I go…on the wings of eagles I shall fly…I dont know what i experienced this past week…I have tried to sit down to jot it all down, and yet English fails me.  Quand je vas la,  les mot proches de mot coeur, sons toujours…francais…language is culture…we gotta learn that.I see it coz i keep have of mine but the other I need to learn, to make me whole, to help me come home in a better and bigger way, to help my people unite.

Unity…all clans come together to work as one to get the job done…the job is…healing mother earth…thereby healing us…in…Unity.

I have choose comfy over adventures, let fear slip in, and i am too awake for that right now.  The torment of the twisted me returning is enough to make me rewrite the draft.

I believe the revolution is coming.  i believe it will need us all with our many tools to work as one, and be community.  i am taking one year to get my schooling done, secure a vehicle and a license, and then packing up me and the kitties up, and away we go for nibi.

I am thinking before jumping now.  I am plan in motion cant plan the outcome and can not wait for the adventures.  I thought I’d be here longer, but when one step up is two steps back, well, i have done that far to long and i hear Creator.

I am afraid, and I look beyond and see the fear is just a mask to the hope and all i need is to believe and all will be well…Abundance will  fall on me.  Instinct lead my way, and most of all…love guide me.  I just can’t not-not  hear the calling now…and a house is a house.. they stay put…most turtles I know…take there’s with them….i’m becoming my clan…miigwetch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Orlando-Disillusion”

Upon hearing the news of the Orlando shooting…biggest modern day massacre…next to Wounded Knee, but that is a whole other topic.I don’t think shocked was the word I am looking for here.  I think the first thing that came to my mind, was wow…I can’t not believe this is still going on in 2016.

I came out at fifteen.  I am now fifty-one.  I have seen friends and family member’s commit suicide over the issue of being gay.  

I have witnessed hate crimes back in the early 90’s in Ottawa when the almighty neo-Nazis moved into town.  I had a friend murdered in his slept while he sleep next to his lover, with a screwdriver, by theses fine sorts.

I had another friend thrown off the Alexander Bridge in Ottawa, to his death, because a bunch of guys decided to roll a fag one night.

I can’t even begin to name how many times I have been called dyke, butch, lesbian, add your own derogatory comment here.  I have also suffered the insult of being mistaken for the other gender so many times it makes my head spin, and I can not even begin to relay to you how many times people think  calling me Sir is just a simple mis-take, and sorry is all it takes to make that go away.  

I can go on and on with the trauma I have suffered.  I am not alone.  That’s the sad thing.

Throughout all my ordeals, I have always seen one common factor.  Most people who have hurt and offended me the most are the ones that are stuck in a closet and fear full of my ability to be out and proud.  It’s not an ability, it’s not courage, I never really came out, I just knew what I was and I never hid it, and that was a big problem for others who could not come to terms with their own sexuality.  That is internal self-hatred.

Seriously, I don’t think Islam is the problem here folks.  I think its self hate.   I think that people have such an inability to love themselves exactly as they are that they lash out at others exactly like themselves.  Its like saying if i squash it in you, I will squash it in me.

I heard the other day we have to educate the children on how to love.  I don’t think that is the answer. Kids know how to love, we teach them hate.  It’s the adults you have re-educate.  It’s the media that is throwing us perfect family’s that match “your’s” and that makes “us” feel just a little less then.That creates an inequality and ,well, self hate brews in that.  I don’t know how many times I have heard, that’s not a real marriage, and that not a real family.

We the adults need to watch what we say.  Gay is not a synonym for all things you don’t like. Fag is not a nice word to use, or dyke, or butch or anything else but the freaking label your mother gave you.

Someone is always watching, so beware of that.  Be aware that you are not alone in this big universe and that some are struggling with their own self-image and when you point negativity at what they are struggling with it internalizes a chain of events that is very destructive to a soul.  You will never know what is going on in another’s head.  Your best friend could be sitting on this secret for years.  There you are all ways bringing gays down and saying nasty things. Do you think for one minute that is gonna harbor any kind of motivation to come out and be themselves and live as happy a life as you.  Why are you entitled to a happy life coz you happen to be born straight?  Am I not entitled to one also?  Seriously, do you think Creator made us to be miserable in life and to drive you all into madness with our thirst for equality????

We are all here for a reason.  We come into each other’s lives for a reason.  We have lessons to teach and learn from each other.  We aren’t put here to hurt and hate, we bring that onto ourselves and then we pass it along.  We do this to us.

It’s in our own communities where gays don’t like dykes, and trans are left out, and bi is so misunderstood I wont even go into the others.  We all need our own parade coz we all so freaking important.  We are one damn community folks, we need unity, without it we will achieve nothing.

I pray for all the souls that got massacred.  I pray for their families, but when we sit there and watch TV throw mis-information at us, and then we build a society on that, what can you expect???

You need a driver’s license to operate a vehicle, any dummy can have a kid. What can do more harm, raising a child to hate themselves so much so that eventually all the gaskets blow and away they go, off to murder 50 innocents, or allowing an unlicensed soul to go down the road at 100 km/hour? Same shit different day I say.

Education is key, but educate the adults.  Then the can teach the kids. Right now I feel we are doing it bass ass backwards. It’s not the kids who don’t know how to love, it is us.  We need to relearn that in order to pass it on and then, maybe, society will have a chance at being what Creator meant it to be….Community….people helping people in a happy place that harbors peace.

Have a day.