“Orlando-Disillusion”

Upon hearing the news of the Orlando shooting…biggest modern day massacre…next to Wounded Knee, but that is a whole other topic.I don’t think shocked was the word I am looking for here.  I think the first thing that came to my mind, was wow…I can’t not believe this is still going on in 2016.

I came out at fifteen.  I am now fifty-one.  I have seen friends and family member’s commit suicide over the issue of being gay.  

I have witnessed hate crimes back in the early 90’s in Ottawa when the almighty neo-Nazis moved into town.  I had a friend murdered in his slept while he sleep next to his lover, with a screwdriver, by theses fine sorts.

I had another friend thrown off the Alexander Bridge in Ottawa, to his death, because a bunch of guys decided to roll a fag one night.

I can’t even begin to name how many times I have been called dyke, butch, lesbian, add your own derogatory comment here.  I have also suffered the insult of being mistaken for the other gender so many times it makes my head spin, and I can not even begin to relay to you how many times people think  calling me Sir is just a simple mis-take, and sorry is all it takes to make that go away.  

I can go on and on with the trauma I have suffered.  I am not alone.  That’s the sad thing.

Throughout all my ordeals, I have always seen one common factor.  Most people who have hurt and offended me the most are the ones that are stuck in a closet and fear full of my ability to be out and proud.  It’s not an ability, it’s not courage, I never really came out, I just knew what I was and I never hid it, and that was a big problem for others who could not come to terms with their own sexuality.  That is internal self-hatred.

Seriously, I don’t think Islam is the problem here folks.  I think its self hate.   I think that people have such an inability to love themselves exactly as they are that they lash out at others exactly like themselves.  Its like saying if i squash it in you, I will squash it in me.

I heard the other day we have to educate the children on how to love.  I don’t think that is the answer. Kids know how to love, we teach them hate.  It’s the adults you have re-educate.  It’s the media that is throwing us perfect family’s that match “your’s” and that makes “us” feel just a little less then.That creates an inequality and ,well, self hate brews in that.  I don’t know how many times I have heard, that’s not a real marriage, and that not a real family.

We the adults need to watch what we say.  Gay is not a synonym for all things you don’t like. Fag is not a nice word to use, or dyke, or butch or anything else but the freaking label your mother gave you.

Someone is always watching, so beware of that.  Be aware that you are not alone in this big universe and that some are struggling with their own self-image and when you point negativity at what they are struggling with it internalizes a chain of events that is very destructive to a soul.  You will never know what is going on in another’s head.  Your best friend could be sitting on this secret for years.  There you are all ways bringing gays down and saying nasty things. Do you think for one minute that is gonna harbor any kind of motivation to come out and be themselves and live as happy a life as you.  Why are you entitled to a happy life coz you happen to be born straight?  Am I not entitled to one also?  Seriously, do you think Creator made us to be miserable in life and to drive you all into madness with our thirst for equality????

We are all here for a reason.  We come into each other’s lives for a reason.  We have lessons to teach and learn from each other.  We aren’t put here to hurt and hate, we bring that onto ourselves and then we pass it along.  We do this to us.

It’s in our own communities where gays don’t like dykes, and trans are left out, and bi is so misunderstood I wont even go into the others.  We all need our own parade coz we all so freaking important.  We are one damn community folks, we need unity, without it we will achieve nothing.

I pray for all the souls that got massacred.  I pray for their families, but when we sit there and watch TV throw mis-information at us, and then we build a society on that, what can you expect???

You need a driver’s license to operate a vehicle, any dummy can have a kid. What can do more harm, raising a child to hate themselves so much so that eventually all the gaskets blow and away they go, off to murder 50 innocents, or allowing an unlicensed soul to go down the road at 100 km/hour? Same shit different day I say.

Education is key, but educate the adults.  Then the can teach the kids. Right now I feel we are doing it bass ass backwards. It’s not the kids who don’t know how to love, it is us.  We need to relearn that in order to pass it on and then, maybe, society will have a chance at being what Creator meant it to be….Community….people helping people in a happy place that harbors peace.

Have a day. 

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