“The Ides of March”

“As I grieve theses recent passing’s, and I have been a party to far too many of late, the thought came to me that I am the product of thousands of years of love, and vision….regardless of the hardships put on me by either my own undoings or the circumstances I was under, some ancestor, somewhere,down the line had a vision of me to be here NOW. That’s love.
So, walk gently, and in a good way, because someone saw me way before I was here, and someone will see me when I’m far long gone, and someone will say…I am the product of a thousand years of love, and vision”

 

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La Mort

Sa me touche do temps en temps.  Mais pas comme celles qui vient juste de passee.  I feel compelled to write in french, yet my bending to the masses for so long has left me at a downfall in that area.  I don’t remember the proper grammar, and that’s a disrespect to just keep trying to do it and bastardizing it.

I miss my Memere.  I have had too many touches with death of late.  Close souls too , and ones that have seriously helped me on this path, and now I just feel empty.

My grandparents, my mom’s mom and dad, meant the world to me.  If there was ever solid ground to fall on it was them.  My Pepere taught me politics, how to fish, how to laugh, that music could heal your weary soul, and laughter cured all.  My Memere taught me love, and discipline and respect and that if you step out of line, someone sees all, and someone usually has the balls to call you on your stuff.  That’s love.

Simple, honest souls, that just wanted happy.  Troubled families, misguided histories, stolen cultures, and yet they smiled and nothing really stuck on them long enough to scar them.  If they were scared, either they didn’t show it, or they didn’t know it, but i knew them as happy.

I lost my Pepere long ago, and I have walked in the shadow of that longing for a long time, knowing he is all ways with me.  I feel him closest in the fall, but that presence is all ways there.  Its my selfish soul that is crying like a babe for my grandma.  The just knowing she was close by, to go spend time with, was soothing.  The hole that is now here is needing filling.

Tomorrow i will pack up my tools, and head over to Penetang to clean up the stone that is engraved with my grandfathers name, and make it pretty for her to come lay next to him again.

Its healing, and soothing, but this is not where i wanted you both to ever be, but that is unreal thinking, and acceptance is key.  I had my time with you.  Blessed by that I should see happy, but for now I grieve, and try to find solace in knowing you dance together again.

Je vous aime gros comme le ciel, and I will all ways be your “pickle”.

 

 

 

 

 

“Puppet Master”

Did you know the world is all ready written in the pages of his/herstory.   Just saying.  So, now, that I have your attention, let’s move on.

It took me awhile to realize the gifts thrown at me that lay at my door.  I am walking in a way that is filled with daily amazement.  Where is life going?

I know only one thing. It’s all ready written.  My only work to do is listen, and then be brave enough to pick up whatever tools lay around me, and pursue the words I heard.

Healing.  My life is about healing.  If I wanna help souls, I have to heal me, because hurt people hurt people.  I have seen this in my lifetime.

I don’t even think they know it.  So there can be no resentments.  Simple humility at the knowing that they are the lost ones, and its not my place to point that out, but it is my place to move on, and pray they get the help they need.

Lately, as I turn my mind to the Puppet Master,  things unfold before me and I see where I am being taken.  I am willing to follow.    As my anger subsides, and kindness flows in, as I let the seven teachings take my heart, my walk is lighter.

I woke up this morning so blessed.  I laid my tobacco and said move me.  Now, i await for the adventure.  Each day a new one.  Knowing all along, You have the book all ready written, I am merely playing my part, and all I have to do is trust.

What’s not to trust?  Am I not here?  After a life of horrible discontent, and shallow beginnings, I am here, right here, right where I am suppose to be.  Move me.

Shake me to real, and allow me to love my fellow humans back to health, back to life…Heal me so I can pass it on.

The world is full of bumps and bruises, that’s just the way it is.  If you can learnt to ride them, and realize your just a puppet in a play all ready written…All will be well.  May your days be filled with awe.

“Do understand that you are destined for enlightenment. Cooperate with your destiny, don’t go against it, don’t thwart it. Allow it to fulfil itself. All you have to do is to give attention to the obstacles created by the foolish mind. In the light of calm and steady awareness, inner energies wake up and work miracles without any effort on your part.”Nisargadatta Maharaj

 

 

 

 

 

“Mental Health”

I just returned from visiting a friend who is hospitalized.  Why do we insist on hospitalizing people who have mental health issues?  It is not a sickness that cant be cured.  It can be managed but you have to have the people in place who care enough to see its managed properly.

There’s something wrong with a world that allocates major funding for schools to implements mental health programs, and you have parents who wont even accept their child’s true problem.  So how does a child heal, when everyone around them is in denial of the problem?

Then you have the other end of the scale where you have people accessing these funds and they don’t even need it.  We need a caring system that weeds out the drama queens and honestly helps the children who need and want help.

We need to ask the hard questions.  We need to stop theses children from just jumping on the bandwagon.  These children that are in despair and need true help, we need to honestly look at what they are living in and with and we need to start addressing that situation.  I am not saying run into every house where a kid has problems and remove them.  What I am saying though is don’t just analyze the child, look at the adults and have the balls to make them get the help they need.  If they don’t do that, why help them?

I truly believe that all adult problems with mental health and the like, like addictions, all stem from childhood trauma.  Break a child.  You break society.  You don’t fix that problem now you will just have a bigger problem later, and that child will grow up to have children to only do the same thing all over again.

Adults need to realize if your kid has a problem, it is not necessarily a direct reflection of you. Its a direct reflection of you if you are not addressing your own issues, and that is therefore seeping down into the way you care for the child.  I do believe we have a responsibility to heal ourselves first and foremost before insisting another soul seek help, because hurt souls hurt souls.  

Now, back to my sweet friend, who is now in a hospital due to the lack of caring professionals who over medicated the man for years, and just sort of shoved him along.  He needs an advocate to help him. He is all alone and that’s not right. 

Where are those agencies that he is associated with now?  Now that he is in dire straights,  no one is there.  So many questions running through my head, but the bottom line is this.  We need to find the compassion in our society again. These children need their whole families getting help, not just them.  Metal health is a family dis-ease.  Treat the family, not just the one person, and that will lead to education, and maybe, just maybe, that will make a better world for all of us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“51”

I happen to share a birthday with Bob Marley.  February 6 is the day.  I turned 51.

I am not ashamed of my age, or of getting older.  As a matter of fact, I am quite amazed I made it this far.  My alcoholism has ruptured many  dreams, and put me in places I would of rather not gone.  Such is life.  This is my walk. I walk a red road now. Five years sober and going strong.

I have just returned from a meeting  for recommendations on how we, the survivors, family and loved ones of the many missing and murdered indigenous women, would like an inquiry formed to solve this problem.

All i know is…we need to include the homeless, they have no voice.  We need to include the trans world.  We need to include all because every life has a value.  Every life has someone somewhere that loves them.  Every one matters.

I so easily could be on the other side of this fence.  My loved ones could be sitting right here wanting justice for my life.  I came so close.  I hung out with some of these women in the DTES in Vancouver.  Many of my street sisters are missing, gone, murdered.

I was moved by the ministers.  I was moved but their honest caring, and their sharing of their own stories.  I think that is a very important point to ponder.  They have horror stories in their lives as well.

I don’t know where my next step will take me. I throw my hands to the sky, and ask humbly for guidance.  I know that my story is a vital one, it echoes of those that are gone.  I could be your sister, niece, cousin, etc.  I am here to share my story, and help change the world somehow.  I will remain sober with Creator willing, for that is how I will touch souls and maybe move some mountains.

I turned 51 yesterday.  I don’t regret one thing I have had to do to get to here.  I have made my amends.  I have no quilt.  I continue to do the best I can with what I have, and be the best me I can, and with that knowledge, I will try to help my people heal.

We need love and compassion for those who struggle so, for those that just cant’t take life on life’s terms, we need to help these souls and stop judging these souls, because look at me…I could of been one too.

So, take a minute in your day.  Stop and think before you judge.  What one does to live their life is mostly predetermined by the shit put on them as children.  So, we need to heal out inner children before we can ever heal another. I think that is key.

Happy Birthday Bob.  We need to remember your words. One love.  It will heal us all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Here We Go!!!”

David Bowie passed away this week.  I haven’t written a thing on that.  I just cant find the words to express the love and admiration I feel for this man. He helped shape my eclectic sense of music.  He opened my eyes up…He showed me courage and bravery.  Being different in a small town didn’t seem so bad when ya could escape with Bowie.

Alan Rickman passed away this week.  My hope is that people will be moved so as to look beyond his fantastic portrait of “Snape” in “Harry Potter”, and thereby see the genius of this man.  My personal opinion is that “dogma” was the best damn thing he ever did.  I love you Alan Rickman. Fly on to a sweeter place….For me…You will all ways be….The voice of “god”.

 René Angélil passed away this week.  The mastermind behind Celine Dion.  The love of her life. Sweet man. Gave lots back to his beloved Quebec.  Tous simplement un beau bonhomme que le monde est un tit peut plus petit sans.  I pray for his sons and Celine.  I can not put into words how you must feel…I’d be a big empty hollow hole in my soul if I were to lose my love.

Three huge souls gone from our world, sweeping on into the next one.  This is the beginning of 2016, folks.  This is the kick start to the new year.  I heard there’s a tropical storm on the way.  First time this has happened since the 30’s.

I think it’ll be a year of transformations, and hold on to your seats.  it’s gonna be a hell of a ride.

Thank-you/merci/miigwetch to the three for all the memories.  Art makes life worthwhile.  You are the keepers of the soul of society, so thanks for dropping in for a bit and sharing that with all of us.  The world was a bit better with you all in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sunny Thoughts”

“Why is it easier to talk around the subject then talk to the subject…is that not gossip…is that not like kinda like letting your fear guide you…i wouldn’t want to be like that…i wouldn’t want anyone to treat me like that…I want up front honesty and truth at all cost…so I give that out…sorry if you cant take it but thats not my issue either…I am also not gonna hide where I come from, what paths I travelled to get to here today, nor will I sugar coat any of the torment.
I also wont hide the joy, and happiness I feel on a daily basis just from taking a mere breath. I am human, and i will make mistakes, but there in lies the twist. There are no mistakes, merely lessons. I am not ashamed of one thing i had to do to get to today, I am not ashamed of the way I have to live today to have a today….I walk in spirit…and it guides me…I’m not wrong. You’re not wrong…I and you are living. …and the joy of it all… if if i let you live as you choose to live, as you creator guides you to live, then you shall do the same unto me…I hope….So I will more then likely all ways be loud and proud, and I will probably all ways step on toes and shake ya up…but have the balls to talk to me if you see a problem and remember this one golden rule of being human…You can not love and forgive wholly while judging and pointing fingers and when you do that it is all ways a reflection of how you see yourself….so maybe give yourself a bit more love, and that will free you up to give a bit more to those around you and maybe just maybe this will make the world a better place to be”