“51”

I happen to share a birthday with Bob Marley.  February 6 is the day.  I turned 51.

I am not ashamed of my age, or of getting older.  As a matter of fact, I am quite amazed I made it this far.  My alcoholism has ruptured many  dreams, and put me in places I would of rather not gone.  Such is life.  This is my walk. I walk a red road now. Five years sober and going strong.

I have just returned from a meeting  for recommendations on how we, the survivors, family and loved ones of the many missing and murdered indigenous women, would like an inquiry formed to solve this problem.

All i know is…we need to include the homeless, they have no voice.  We need to include the trans world.  We need to include all because every life has a value.  Every life has someone somewhere that loves them.  Every one matters.

I so easily could be on the other side of this fence.  My loved ones could be sitting right here wanting justice for my life.  I came so close.  I hung out with some of these women in the DTES in Vancouver.  Many of my street sisters are missing, gone, murdered.

I was moved by the ministers.  I was moved but their honest caring, and their sharing of their own stories.  I think that is a very important point to ponder.  They have horror stories in their lives as well.

I don’t know where my next step will take me. I throw my hands to the sky, and ask humbly for guidance.  I know that my story is a vital one, it echoes of those that are gone.  I could be your sister, niece, cousin, etc.  I am here to share my story, and help change the world somehow.  I will remain sober with Creator willing, for that is how I will touch souls and maybe move some mountains.

I turned 51 yesterday.  I don’t regret one thing I have had to do to get to here.  I have made my amends.  I have no quilt.  I continue to do the best I can with what I have, and be the best me I can, and with that knowledge, I will try to help my people heal.

We need love and compassion for those who struggle so, for those that just cant’t take life on life’s terms, we need to help these souls and stop judging these souls, because look at me…I could of been one too.

So, take a minute in your day.  Stop and think before you judge.  What one does to live their life is mostly predetermined by the shit put on them as children.  So, we need to heal out inner children before we can ever heal another. I think that is key.

Happy Birthday Bob.  We need to remember your words. One love.  It will heal us all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Here We Go!!!”

David Bowie passed away this week.  I haven’t written a thing on that.  I just cant find the words to express the love and admiration I feel for this man. He helped shape my eclectic sense of music.  He opened my eyes up…He showed me courage and bravery.  Being different in a small town didn’t seem so bad when ya could escape with Bowie.

Alan Rickman passed away this week.  My hope is that people will be moved so as to look beyond his fantastic portrait of “Snape” in “Harry Potter”, and thereby see the genius of this man.  My personal opinion is that “dogma” was the best damn thing he ever did.  I love you Alan Rickman. Fly on to a sweeter place….For me…You will all ways be….The voice of “god”.

 René Angélil passed away this week.  The mastermind behind Celine Dion.  The love of her life. Sweet man. Gave lots back to his beloved Quebec.  Tous simplement un beau bonhomme que le monde est un tit peut plus petit sans.  I pray for his sons and Celine.  I can not put into words how you must feel…I’d be a big empty hollow hole in my soul if I were to lose my love.

Three huge souls gone from our world, sweeping on into the next one.  This is the beginning of 2016, folks.  This is the kick start to the new year.  I heard there’s a tropical storm on the way.  First time this has happened since the 30’s.

I think it’ll be a year of transformations, and hold on to your seats.  it’s gonna be a hell of a ride.

Thank-you/merci/miigwetch to the three for all the memories.  Art makes life worthwhile.  You are the keepers of the soul of society, so thanks for dropping in for a bit and sharing that with all of us.  The world was a bit better with you all in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sunny Thoughts”

“Why is it easier to talk around the subject then talk to the subject…is that not gossip…is that not like kinda like letting your fear guide you…i wouldn’t want to be like that…i wouldn’t want anyone to treat me like that…I want up front honesty and truth at all cost…so I give that out…sorry if you cant take it but thats not my issue either…I am also not gonna hide where I come from, what paths I travelled to get to here today, nor will I sugar coat any of the torment.
I also wont hide the joy, and happiness I feel on a daily basis just from taking a mere breath. I am human, and i will make mistakes, but there in lies the twist. There are no mistakes, merely lessons. I am not ashamed of one thing i had to do to get to today, I am not ashamed of the way I have to live today to have a today….I walk in spirit…and it guides me…I’m not wrong. You’re not wrong…I and you are living. …and the joy of it all… if if i let you live as you choose to live, as you creator guides you to live, then you shall do the same unto me…I hope….So I will more then likely all ways be loud and proud, and I will probably all ways step on toes and shake ya up…but have the balls to talk to me if you see a problem and remember this one golden rule of being human…You can not love and forgive wholly while judging and pointing fingers and when you do that it is all ways a reflection of how you see yourself….so maybe give yourself a bit more love, and that will free you up to give a bit more to those around you and maybe just maybe this will make the world a better place to be”

“High School Was Just Grande…NOT”

“the high school I graduated from in 1984…PSS…is closing…and low and behold this summer they are gonna have a reunion of all past students…this school and its fine students…my peers…well lets just say my anger took off like a bolt of lightening here…i am responsible for carrying it on and never doing the right thing about it…but now i can…people its ok to be different…it’s ok to have a different sense of style…it’s just ok to be you…at all cost k…andanyone who wants to make you stop coz they are too scarred to be themselves…and when they see you being yourself it scares the bejesus out of them…..walk away from them..dont let them seep into your psyche and ruin your days…they ain’t worth it…they don’t matter…my days at PSS were simple hell…and I can not believe they are having this reunion and painting our school days there as all nice and sunny…its a farce…this school was homophobic and bred homophobia…a few of my friends succumbed to suicide from it…it’s one thing to live in denial…go ahead if you want to but don’t bring it onto me…I can name the teachers that were homophobic right to my face…I am 50 and I still remember and my inner child hurts from the stuff put on me just coz i am me…ya’ll dont owe me a thing…I dont even want apologies from all the kids, i can name you all, you live in my memory…all I want is you all to remember how horrid it really was and how unpleasant you made people feel and think and change…and choose to accept people as they are…stop trying to change things you dont understand…just accept it…and all will be well…becsuae this stuff kills souls…I am so lucky to be a strong soul and i survived…and thats exactly it folks…I survived PSS…grad year 1984″

“Five Years”

I have been blessed. I am completely unworthy and yet I am blessed.  I have a house, a loving partner, a good family, cats galore, and I am blessed.

I see my world in turmoil and hatred seems to lead all…I choose love.  I choose happy.  I choose to walk a good red road.

Its has been no less then a journey of hope and prayers.  It has been lined with tears and laughter and ups and downs, and I wouldn’t change one darn thing.

The good souls Creator puts in my path to help me along my way, miigwetch, I am unworthy of your goodness. 

The souls I trampled on in my selfishness and addictions because I was  so selfishly wrapped up in me…I am deeply sorry…the best I can do is not repeat my past and make the best me I can.  Im trying.

It’s not an easy walk, but I am never alone.  That’s the big thing I had to learn, and that’s the thing that keeps me going…I am never alone.

My tool box is filled with 12 steps, 12 traditions, a sponsor, a partner, cats, little saying elders have given me…my life is surrounded by a fellowship that amazes me daily.

Thankyou.  Miigwetch. Merci.  You all helped me get life back.  The only way i know to really say thanks, is to just keep on doing what I am doing.

So, now this will come to an end.  My day will go on.  Tomorrow will come and that’s exactly what its is…just a day…just a milestone…just a start to a good life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Forward”

Here we go folks.  One week to five.  I know I am suppose to be living in the day, relishing my moments, but oh this one is trying.  I have never really had thoughts running at me like ninety.  Some good.  Some bad, but all welcome, because it is growth.

I been trying to tie pieces up too lately.  I made a couple deep amends, that I dont know how they are accepted, nor will I follow them down to find out.  One does not make amends to hurt, one makes them to cleanse, and if i am bringing hurt, then it aint an amends.  The letters were sent.  Thats all I need to know.

I got some not so good news about my mom, but why fall off the deep end.  I am simply not in charge of nothing.  Its all test of my faith.  If I have faith, then why worry.  All will be as it should.

Now, I am sitting here listening to tunes that i use to drink to in the first house i owned, and it’s just surreal.  I have come pretty damn far in a short period of time.  Miigwetch to all who have help bring me here.

In this moment, I relax, and take in the beauty surrounding me, and I breath.  Remember to breath, and one day after another…boom it happens…I am just so blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tis The Season”

I am Pagan.  I wont get started on the whole they have stolen our holiday’s thing.  It is just not worth my time any more. I just celebrate my stuff and let it go, or try to. Its awful hard task to accomplish when all this silliness flies at you this time of year.

I am Metis.  I wont get started on all the injustices, and wrong doings done on my people for eons now.  You all know it,at least,I hope your aware.  They hung Louis Riel. They stole our children. They sent us away to fantastic schools that left us scarred for years, but I wont go into that.

I am Two-Spirited.  I won’t get started on the whole in equality we have felt from all sides for so long.  Our beautiful tradition, squashed out nearly to extinction, to the point where some don’t even believe we exist. Yes, hard to believe folks, but their are those in 2015 that don’t believe I exist.

I am me, and I am human.  Wrapped up in all my imperfections, and my addictions that i battle daily, but Creator willing i come out more put together  then before.

I use to be a stereo -type.  It wasn’t hard to do.  All the papers, and the history books told me the way to go.

I am not putting the blame on anyone but me for the path I choose to walk, because that is my point,that,at this point in my five year walk , i see, its a choice.  It’s all about accepting life exactly as life is,and to be in that moment.

All these things I am, and use to be, they are me and if I accept that as it is, my days are pretty fantastic pieces of art.  Strung together they form years.

I was thinking about Tina Fontaine today.  It could of been me.  I feel the pain of each family member.  Our nation cries.  We fail so many in so many ways.

“tis the season, folks, lets try love instead of hate, lets try compassion , instead of disillusionment, let’s all be Zenlike and be here, in our moment and fix this world gone mad.

I am me, and I am not perfect. I am a dreamer, a seeker, a shaker of things, and I still believe love is all we need to heal.  pass it on.