“High School Was Just Grande…NOT”

“the high school I graduated from in 1984…PSS…is closing…and low and behold this summer they are gonna have a reunion of all past students…this school and its fine students…my peers…well lets just say my anger took off like a bolt of lightening here…i am responsible for carrying it on and never doing the right thing about it…but now i can…people its ok to be different…it’s ok to have a different sense of style…it’s just ok to be you…at all cost k…andanyone who wants to make you stop coz they are too scarred to be themselves…and when they see you being yourself it scares the bejesus out of them…..walk away from them..dont let them seep into your psyche and ruin your days…they ain’t worth it…they don’t matter…my days at PSS were simple hell…and I can not believe they are having this reunion and painting our school days there as all nice and sunny…its a farce…this school was homophobic and bred homophobia…a few of my friends succumbed to suicide from it…it’s one thing to live in denial…go ahead if you want to but don’t bring it onto me…I can name the teachers that were homophobic right to my face…I am 50 and I still remember and my inner child hurts from the stuff put on me just coz i am me…ya’ll dont owe me a thing…I dont even want apologies from all the kids, i can name you all, you live in my memory…all I want is you all to remember how horrid it really was and how unpleasant you made people feel and think and change…and choose to accept people as they are…stop trying to change things you dont understand…just accept it…and all will be well…becsuae this stuff kills souls…I am so lucky to be a strong soul and i survived…and thats exactly it folks…I survived PSS…grad year 1984″

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“Five Years”

I have been blessed. I am completely unworthy and yet I am blessed.  I have a house, a loving partner, a good family, cats galore, and I am blessed.

I see my world in turmoil and hatred seems to lead all…I choose love.  I choose happy.  I choose to walk a good red road.

Its has been no less then a journey of hope and prayers.  It has been lined with tears and laughter and ups and downs, and I wouldn’t change one darn thing.

The good souls Creator puts in my path to help me along my way, miigwetch, I am unworthy of your goodness. 

The souls I trampled on in my selfishness and addictions because I was  so selfishly wrapped up in me…I am deeply sorry…the best I can do is not repeat my past and make the best me I can.  Im trying.

It’s not an easy walk, but I am never alone.  That’s the big thing I had to learn, and that’s the thing that keeps me going…I am never alone.

My tool box is filled with 12 steps, 12 traditions, a sponsor, a partner, cats, little saying elders have given me…my life is surrounded by a fellowship that amazes me daily.

Thankyou.  Miigwetch. Merci.  You all helped me get life back.  The only way i know to really say thanks, is to just keep on doing what I am doing.

So, now this will come to an end.  My day will go on.  Tomorrow will come and that’s exactly what its is…just a day…just a milestone…just a start to a good life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Forward”

Here we go folks.  One week to five.  I know I am suppose to be living in the day, relishing my moments, but oh this one is trying.  I have never really had thoughts running at me like ninety.  Some good.  Some bad, but all welcome, because it is growth.

I been trying to tie pieces up too lately.  I made a couple deep amends, that I dont know how they are accepted, nor will I follow them down to find out.  One does not make amends to hurt, one makes them to cleanse, and if i am bringing hurt, then it aint an amends.  The letters were sent.  Thats all I need to know.

I got some not so good news about my mom, but why fall off the deep end.  I am simply not in charge of nothing.  Its all test of my faith.  If I have faith, then why worry.  All will be as it should.

Now, I am sitting here listening to tunes that i use to drink to in the first house i owned, and it’s just surreal.  I have come pretty damn far in a short period of time.  Miigwetch to all who have help bring me here.

In this moment, I relax, and take in the beauty surrounding me, and I breath.  Remember to breath, and one day after another…boom it happens…I am just so blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tis The Season”

I am Pagan.  I wont get started on the whole they have stolen our holiday’s thing.  It is just not worth my time any more. I just celebrate my stuff and let it go, or try to. Its awful hard task to accomplish when all this silliness flies at you this time of year.

I am Metis.  I wont get started on all the injustices, and wrong doings done on my people for eons now.  You all know it,at least,I hope your aware.  They hung Louis Riel. They stole our children. They sent us away to fantastic schools that left us scarred for years, but I wont go into that.

I am Two-Spirited.  I won’t get started on the whole in equality we have felt from all sides for so long.  Our beautiful tradition, squashed out nearly to extinction, to the point where some don’t even believe we exist. Yes, hard to believe folks, but their are those in 2015 that don’t believe I exist.

I am me, and I am human.  Wrapped up in all my imperfections, and my addictions that i battle daily, but Creator willing i come out more put together  then before.

I use to be a stereo -type.  It wasn’t hard to do.  All the papers, and the history books told me the way to go.

I am not putting the blame on anyone but me for the path I choose to walk, because that is my point,that,at this point in my five year walk , i see, its a choice.  It’s all about accepting life exactly as life is,and to be in that moment.

All these things I am, and use to be, they are me and if I accept that as it is, my days are pretty fantastic pieces of art.  Strung together they form years.

I was thinking about Tina Fontaine today.  It could of been me.  I feel the pain of each family member.  Our nation cries.  We fail so many in so many ways.

“tis the season, folks, lets try love instead of hate, lets try compassion , instead of disillusionment, let’s all be Zenlike and be here, in our moment and fix this world gone mad.

I am me, and I am not perfect. I am a dreamer, a seeker, a shaker of things, and I still believe love is all we need to heal.  pass it on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John Trudell

Poet, warrior, survivor.  Passed on December 8, 2015.  The day Mark David Chapman decided to end John Lennon’s life, because he wanted to be bigger then life.

John Trudell was a humble man, of great vision, and of great sorrow.  I believe his take on Peltier’s case. I believe his take on a lot of things.

The fact that he stood up and spoke out against a corrupt government, and then his family suspiciously perishes in a house fire.  Thank Creator, John was away.

Could of been a bitter man.  Could of been an angry man turned into your stereotypical indigenous male. 

Nope, not John.  Higher calling.  Eyes set on Creator-community.  Knowing in his heart.  We are just humans learning to be humans in a world that is increasingly forgetting what it is to be human.

We will miss you.  Fly on home, in the spirit of crazy horse. I hope we can do your proud, and carry on what you so desperately fought for.

Peace, love and light will guide our way.

 

 

 

 

#MMIW

“In the end, truths will be told as the inquiry unravels. Merci/Thankyou/Miigwetch Anne Bennett for being the brave one to open the door to the ugly truths, and that is what i think has been behind the whole train wreck that held back any looking into any of this mess.

Human beings really don’t wanna pull the rug up and see what lies beneath.  Keep it all nice, and pretty, and the problems will go away.

Well, folks, they just don’t. 

They multiply into amazing things like addictions, violence, hatred, poverty, murder to name a few.

Human beings just shouldn’t have to live like this.  We just shouldn’t.  On top of that if this is going on, and you got a government looking the other way, well come on folks.  Am I the only one that see this needs to be abolished?

Shut the whole damn thing down.  Start right from scratch.  Let’s lead with love.  Let’s remember what matters.  As a great man once said, “I am just a human being, learning how to be a human being, in a world that in which it is fastly becoming harder to be a human being. John Trudell.”

The inquiry will reveal a lot of stuff we just don’t want to know, folks, so hang on tight, keep your mind wide open.  This could be the start to true change if we allow it be from a place of love, because hate has been ruling for far too long.  Look where it has got us.”